dude i'm inner monologue high
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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