Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
