Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
