apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
