and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
