Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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