I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
