he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
