my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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