its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
