Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
