Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
