Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
