Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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