I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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