At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm jealous of your bromance
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize