No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
