You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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