between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
