Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
