At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
