This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
