Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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