Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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