i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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