HIV tests are more positive than that guy
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
