I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
