HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
