I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize