Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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