The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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