home. puking in laundry basket.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
