and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
