There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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