im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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