remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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