your room smells of hookers.
And success
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
