youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
