this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
