Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
