she was so not down for the gang bang
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
