SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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