Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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