His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
