Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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