The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
