tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
