woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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