I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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