My hand turned me down
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
