I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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