all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
