Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
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