ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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