just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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