my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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