My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
