escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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