is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
