Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You have to summon your inner elephant
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
