wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
