do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize