She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
