I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
