It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
