I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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