I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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