bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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