wrigley field is MILF paradise
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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