youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
